It was a Tuesday evening. I had a terrible argument with my kid sister over a dress. I said somethings I knew I shouldn't have said to her, but pride didn't let me apologize. I actually think I'm neurotic, what else would explain my moodiness.
I was on call again that night, and went to work with the " I don't care" attitude. I was too tired and planned to do nothing. I was just going to sit there and just watch. Thank goodness I took my iPad.
I was trying to concentrate on my vampire diaries when I looked over my iPad screen and saw a baby panting. I knew that baby was loosing breath but I did nothing. I looked around expecting one of the nurses to do something but there was no one there at that time. I couldn't bring myself to do it. To just sit there and let a baby die. I quickly jumped up and ran for the ambu bag and tried to resuscitate the baby. I kept on squeezing on it, there was no difference but I didn't stop. At that point different images ran through my mind and I knew the life of that little child depended on me. I thought of the child's mother and how she would feel when she sees her dead child. I didn't want that to happen, I had had my own share of loosing a child and I didn't want that for the mother.
The nurses finally showed up and tried to make me let go, because it was obvious the baby wasn't going to survive. I refused, I didn't even realize I was already crying. I squeezed harder, it felt as if my hands were going to fall off but I still didn't stop. All this started at about 8pm, finally at 10pm the baby was getting stable and I knew that if I had stopped then the baby would have died. I had to go on a steady pace until I saw good results. When I finally stopped squeezing was at 9am the next morning. The baby was finally stable , I connected the oxygen and I could finally rest. I had just saved a life. It was the most amazing feeling one could ever have. Moments like that is what makes me proud of being a doctor.
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